Today is Epiphany. I hadn't thought about that when I kept putting off writing my "New Year" post, but it seems fitting.

For the last couple weeks I've had resolutions on my mind. I knew I hadn't written as much in 2011 as I did in 2010. I knew the word count goals I tend to have were going to have to change. I knew my thinking about goals in general had to change.

One thing that's been hard for me to really wrap my mind around is the fact that 2011 wasn't the year I had wanted it to be. It really, really wasn't. Barely being able to type most of February into March sucked. Trying to learn to use voice recognition software (to write fiction) was disastrous. I had thought I'd begin querying in the spring. If by spring I'd meant late fall, well, then yes, I did that. I'd thought a lot of things about 2011 that just plain didn't happen.

No, 2011 was not the year I had wanted it to be. But it was the year I needed it to be. And that... that has been a hard thing to admit. I needed those months. I needed to learn more about what it meant to really dig in and revise a piece. I needed to learn what it meant to not be able to just spit out 1000-2000 words a day easy-peasy; my speed, while a good thing in many respects, was holding me back in terms of quality and truly thinking about what I wanted my stories to be.

Did I make mistakes last year? Yes. Am I still upset I didn't get more work done? Honestly, yes. I'm not even posting my yearly word count because 1) I'm unhappy with it and 2) I don't have all the data yet (due to hand-writing a bunch at the end of 2011 & not yet typing it up). And the final reason: I can't just play the numbers game.

I will still keep my word count records. I'm a stat nerd, I love having that kind of data to dig into when I want a fix ;-) But I can't let the numbers be my only guide. They're a signpost of what I'm getting accomplished, but the goal is not to simply spit out as many words as I can in a year.

The goal is to write something publishable.

So. My goal for 2012?

Write good stories. Edit good stories into even better ones. Do the absolute best work I can possibly do with my current skill set, and push that skill set-- not to the breaking point, but to the point where I'm being challenged.

I can't run myself into the ground anymore, but neither can I let things sit in the name of "not killing myself." I can rationalize all sorts of things into that category, and when I stopped to think about what I wanted to do more of this year, only one thing really came to mind.

Write.

Writing is what makes me happy. Not writing does not make me happy. I'm not going to force a word count goal, but neither will I allow a couple hundred words a day to suffice when I know-- I know-- I can do better. I can do more. Some days, yeah, I'll write 11 words (my lowest daily count last year-- editing my first 500 words of ACCURSED for SCBWI conference). But I want to get myself back in "fighting shape."

To that end, I'm taking a page from my CP's book. Jess does "touchstone words" for the year. Her post about her words for 2012, CREATE and CELEBRATE, is here. My words are a bit different: BELIEVE and STRONGER. Last year was a lot of loss of belief and, while I gained writing strengths, a loss of confidence in my strengths. I don't want to get lost in those places again.

Finally, my laptop wallpaper right now is this one from Smashing Magazine. The quote is "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." Do with that what you will.

Here's to 2012 & the start of something good.

ETA: To ease Ms. Spotswood's concerns, I also resolve to continue taking care of myself & not write myself to death. ;-)