Not a Plotter.
For the last ten months or so I've been trying something different. When my wrists started to go all wonky, I decided to make "better" use of my time by plotting. I figured out a couple of my WIPs that are in first draft stage (Darlington & the Haunted Cinderella, if you're curious), reading books about plotting and beats and boxes, and when XY and Z should happen. And it worked-- I know exactly where these stories are headed. So while I was working on revision after revision of ACCURSED I knew I could go back to Darlington and know where to go next. It would be easy to jump back in, right?
Um, wrong. Cause I still haven't quite learned that I'm not a plotter.
Part of the problem I'm having now is fear. I know that. Revising ACCURSED, while having that whole scary "querying" aspect at the end of it, was safe. I knew Gen, Wynne, that cast, the situations. I was just making it the best it could be.
But Darlington? Jumping back into that, I can still totally screw it up. It's not done, I just know stuff that happens. And the big twists? Yeah, I still don't quite know how those happen. So not only am I staring at an unknown factor with bits of the ending, I'm also paralyzed that I'm going to screw up a story that everyone that's read it so far seems to really love.
Pressure much?
I don't think it's that I'm sharing too early-- I'm a big sharer. I have a crit group that reads for me often (*waves at Amelia & Janelle*) and Jess and b read things practically as they fall out of my brain. So I'm not terribly worried that that was the issue.
No, I think I'm having trouble with the fact that I know what happens next and that since I know what happens and it hasn't been formalized into scenes yet, I can still ruin it.
I love this book. Marna's so broken. So's Tenn. Thacker's trying to keep everything together and Lys is ready for a change. It doesn't help that I realized what I was writing the other day (I thought I'd already realized this, but apparently not-- note to self: always check behind you when you stop short on a road when you make realizations about your fiction) (there wasn't anyone there, fyi, but I um, didn't know that before I stopped twelve feet short of the stop sign). It's one of those "personal" things about stories that I'm not entirely comfortable sharing, but it's got to do with some of the themes of the book and how they intersect with my life and, well, this is a book I have to write. I can tell. But it's also BIG and SCARY.
So I decided to jump into the Cinderella for a bit. It's a Cinderella story, right? It's romantic and sweet, but deals with senior year in high school and all the changes and scariness that comes with that, with the added fun of living above a haunted restaurant. I also know the next few scenes and a bunch of the twists in that, right up toward the end.
I'm having the hardest time getting back into it. Cause I know what happens. Ugh! *headdesk*
I know I have to somewhat get over this. I read a great post from Lisa Schroeder last week about how the first draft if your story. I need to remember that. I need to remember that I don't have to write it a certain way. That yes, getting those twists in on the first draft is great, and cutting down on the extra flab I always wind up packing into novels at first is a good thing. BUT... I also have to write the book my way. Or apparently it won't get written.
So tonight I'm silencing that inner voice saying "your pacing's too slow."
You know what? Screw you, I can cut dialogue, I have a revision machete FOR A REASON
It's also saying that I'm not quite getting the words right.
Too damn bad. That's why I have a thesaurus when I REVISE.
My characters are acting strange.
I still don't know them! They're new! I can smooth that out LATER
These are first drafts. They're for me. I silenced those voices when I wrote that first draft of ACCURSED. When I wrote the first draft of THE TIES OF BLOOD. I can-- and will-- do it again. When Darlington and the Cinderella move into second drafts, then we'll bring it with the editorial snark. For now?
Leave me alone. I'm writing.
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I think it's good to be stern with your inner voice sometimes. Mine can be too much of a perfectionist, which is fine, but there's a time and place for me to be fixing the things it's telling me I need to fix, and that time's not necessarily now!
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"It's got to do with some of the themes of the book and how they intersect with my life and, well, this is a book I have to write. I can tell. But it's also BIG and SCARY."
I know! I realized that somewhere along the way when writing Made of Shadows. I had thrown so much of myself in there. As I revise, I'm having to distance myself more and more. I'm starting to see where it works and where it doesn't. But I love that story. I needed to write that story. It opened me up when I'd been closed off for a while, and yes, sometimes it was BIG and SCARY. So I totally know how you feel!
That inner editor can be damn hard to shut up, can't she? But for the record, I think you do a great job of ignoring that voice and just writing a first draft--and a strong first draft, too! :)
Hmm... Not sure why my comment says it's anonymous. I swear I typed in all my info! ~Janelle Madigan
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