Today is Epiphany. I hadn't thought about that when I kept putting off writing my "New Year" post, but it seems fitting.

For the last couple weeks I've had resolutions on my mind. I knew I hadn't written as much in 2011 as I did in 2010. I knew the word count goals I tend to have were going to have to change. I knew my thinking about goals in general had to change.

One thing that's been hard for me to really wrap my mind around is the fact that 2011 wasn't the year I had wanted it to be. It really, really wasn't. Barely being able to type most of February into March sucked. Trying to learn to use voice recognition software (to write fiction) was disastrous. I had thought I'd begin querying in the spring. If by spring I'd meant late fall, well, then yes, I did that. I'd thought a lot of things about 2011 that just plain didn't happen.

No, 2011 was not the year I had wanted it to be. But it was the year I needed it to be. And that... that has been a hard thing to admit. I needed those months. I needed to learn more about what it meant to really dig in and revise a piece. I needed to learn what it meant to not be able to just spit out 1000-2000 words a day easy-peasy; my speed, while a good thing in many respects, was holding me back in terms of quality and truly thinking about what I wanted my stories to be.

Did I make mistakes last year? Yes. Am I still upset I didn't get more work done? Honestly, yes. I'm not even posting my yearly word count because 1) I'm unhappy with it and 2) I don't have all the data yet (due to hand-writing a bunch at the end of 2011 & not yet typing it up). And the final reason: I can't just play the numbers game.

I will still keep my word count records. I'm a stat nerd, I love having that kind of data to dig into when I want a fix ;-) But I can't let the numbers be my only guide. They're a signpost of what I'm getting accomplished, but the goal is not to simply spit out as many words as I can in a year.

The goal is to write something publishable.

So. My goal for 2012?

Write good stories. Edit good stories into even better ones. Do the absolute best work I can possibly do with my current skill set, and push that skill set-- not to the breaking point, but to the point where I'm being challenged.

I can't run myself into the ground anymore, but neither can I let things sit in the name of "not killing myself." I can rationalize all sorts of things into that category, and when I stopped to think about what I wanted to do more of this year, only one thing really came to mind.

Write.

Writing is what makes me happy. Not writing does not make me happy. I'm not going to force a word count goal, but neither will I allow a couple hundred words a day to suffice when I know-- I know-- I can do better. I can do more. Some days, yeah, I'll write 11 words (my lowest daily count last year-- editing my first 500 words of ACCURSED for SCBWI conference). But I want to get myself back in "fighting shape."

To that end, I'm taking a page from my CP's book. Jess does "touchstone words" for the year. Her post about her words for 2012, CREATE and CELEBRATE, is here. My words are a bit different: BELIEVE and STRONGER. Last year was a lot of loss of belief and, while I gained writing strengths, a loss of confidence in my strengths. I don't want to get lost in those places again.

Finally, my laptop wallpaper right now is this one from Smashing Magazine. The quote is "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." Do with that what you will.

Here's to 2012 & the start of something good.

ETA: To ease Ms. Spotswood's concerns, I also resolve to continue taking care of myself & not write myself to death. ;-)

A tweet from Ms. Jessica Spotswood got me thinking about the number of books I've read this year-- a measly 43. (Jess is ahead of me, if you didn't bother reading the tweet-- and I totally think the 20 plays counts toward books. Yes, I realize they're totally different, but I still think it counts.)

It was a resolution of mine to read twice as many books this year as I did last year (40) so I think I'll probably fall short of the 80-book mark, but I want to get as many in before December 31 as I can!

So what are you reading now? What was the last book you absolutely loved that I must add to my TBR list? What looks good that you can't wait to get your hands on? I wanna know!

*waits for a rousing chorus of "Hi, Dr. Nick!"*

*crickets*

OK, enough Simpsons references...

Anyway! I've been in that weird post-draft place where I want to do ALL THE THINGS I couldn't while working on my revision, and simultaneously I want to do nothing at all, sit on the couch & watch Ugly Betty on Instant Watch.

I've been attempting both, but mostly only managing the second. Time for that to change! This week I have my critique group, next week I have my super-fantastic book group, I actually managed to meet a friend/mentor for coffee this past week (*waves to Kaye*) & so I'm declaring it Goal Setting Day.

With the most recent draft of ACCURSED off to the beta readers, I'm trying to claw my way through my query & synopsis. I believe yesterday I tweeted that I hate writing query letters "with the hate of a thousand stabbitys" but, well, that's not entirely true. I do hate it, but only until I find the right groove-- then it's just awesome. Until then, well, I've never been a particularly patient person (I know, I so chose the right profession, huh? Publishing is like, super-fast and never, ever frustrating, right? *snort*), so I will continue to gnash my teeth & yell at my computer screen until I find the right way to pitch this darn book. At least I gave it an appropriate title for all the swearing, right? ;-)

So, Goal #1is to be ready to query between October 1st and October 7th. I probably won't say much about it once I start, but I will let y'all know if I managed to meet the new "query-date" goal.

Second goal! I've mentioned before how I'm getting my website set up. What I'm not sure if I've mentioned is that my new website will include a critique service. I'm attempting to not have to work more hours at the day-job & so am now doing paid critiques. Keep an eye out for when I launch the new site, I'll be doing a "free first chapter critique" contest for helping to spread the word-- also, you'll have my eternal gratitude. :)

Goal #2 is to have the website ready-to-go this time next week. It's possible it will be up earlier, depends on my post-werk, non-critiquing-for-group hours, but I'm shooting for next Monday for the "grand unveiling" & contest start.

And then there's Goal #3. I've signed up for jonowrimo again this year & my goal there is to have a draft of DARLINGTON ready for betas by December 1. Now, of course a lot of reaching that goal rides on if other things fall into place, but I know where I'm going, I just have to figure out how to get there. :)

Finally, Goal #4: I miss my LJ friends! I still read my Friends page regularly, but I haven't been a good LJ participant lately. So I'm going to aim for twice-weekly blogging, if just to check in & see how things are going with all of you!

Now, do any of you have any new goals? Participating in JoNo? Trying a new writing technique, recipe, or just determined to relax more? Let me know! :)

Like I said last year, I've never been a big fan of the New Year holiday. But last year I took a look at what I'd done in 2009 and what I wanted to do in 2010 and read a few of Maggie Stiefvater's butt-kicking posts, and decided to make some resolutions.

Then I, er, kinda took that to the extreme and seriously ran myself into the ground (multiple times) in 2010. Now, I don't blame the resolutions for that, but I was conscious as I made my list for this year that something had to change.

So what did I do in 2010?

- I revised WINGS AND FANGS: BEWITCHED 1+ times.

- I started querying the above

- I completed three drafts of ACCURSED (formerly QUENTS)

- I critiqued two complete novels manuscripts and parts of many others (for multiple people)

- I started seriously drafting my Tavern Cinderella book (still need a good working title...)

- I started a new novel (currently DARLINGTON)

- I began Serious Revisions on THE TIES OF BLOOD (first Arion book; adding another POV)

- I worked out series plans for the Wings and Fangs (5) and Arion (3) books and started poking at the idea of a sequel or two for ACCURSED.

- And I'm sure I'm forgetting something.

The above got me to just over 453000 words.

Now. Don't get me wrong. I'm very proud of everything that I did. And I love writing and I'm really happiest when I'm writing. However-- I'm starting out my 2011 resolutions with something rather abstract, but necessary: Learn Balance.

I've got some ideas of how I'm going to do this, and while I feel I'm fairly open on this blog, I don't particularly want to go into details, since some if it is family/personal/financial stuff. So it's not really as abstract as it sounds, I promise :)

Where writing is concerned, though, here are my goals for 2011:

1) Finish drafting at least one novel (but two would be awesome).

2) Complete THE TIES OF BLOOD revision

3) Continue the agent hunt

4) Revise previous work as necessary

5) Finish critique in a timely fashion (sorry to Amie & Dawn that I didn't make this resolution sooner-- I swear, you're on the list!)

6) Write a second-in-series book, if only for practice/myself.

Also, I'm aiming to read 50 books next year. I read a pitiful 40 this year. 40! Argh. I'm so upset with myself, but I know it's in direct correlation to more writing output, so I'm going to aim for slightly more at 50 books.

And believe me, I realize that all of these goals make it look like I'm going to make 2011 into 2010-Part-II with the running-myself-ragged-ness, but last year I wasn't really conscious of this issue. Now, though, I'm determined to make time for me-things. Not only for writing, but for writing in my diary (which I'm also resolving to write in more often), for reading, for knitting, for chilling with my doggie, for helping plan my sister's wedding, for cooking dinner. I can still try to write every day, but I don't have to make some epic word count just to make it.

I'm pretty determined to make 2011 a year of awesome, but since I'd really love it if I could make it to 2012 to enjoy it, the awesome is going to come in balanced packages :)

Have I mentioned how much this book does not want to be written in order? *headdesk*

Anyway, I got a good chunk of a scene down tonight-- it will probably be cut way down for insertion into the actual manuscript, but I'm fine with it meandering for now. Especially knowing it's just a "scene" and not a "chapter"-- for some reason that makes a big difference in what I feel I can let myself do. Plus I feel like it's attempting to tell me something pretty important about the story, so I'm going with it.

Today's work brings my total words for June to 37,916*

I kinda want to throw myself at July. My usual goal is 30,000 words/month (with some exceptions), so I kinda want to up that, but I also don't want to make myself insane. So... Let's try for 40,000 in July, shall we? Or, how about 40,000 words or the end of the manuscript**, whichever comes first?

Sounds like fun to me! :)

Oh, and thanks for the comments on yesterday's friend-locked Teaser Tuesday :) I'm glad y'all like Gen-- she's a trip

*Not counting LJ or diary entries.

**Still keeping to the regular 30,000 goal as well.

I set a number of goals for myself back in January. I put thought into them. I tried to make them uncomfortable but within my grasp if I worked hard enough.

One of these goals was to write 30,000 words* a month. My breakdown so far:

January: 36,753

February: 33,150

March: 32,319

April: 35,126

And then I got to May. My count so far this month? 4702 (not counting today). This is less than my highest single-day count this year (4818).

Needless to say, I'm a little disappointed. But I know why it's so low.

I've restarted my agent search, so some days I've been re-researching all the agents I looked at before, and a few new ones-- this mostly involves printing pages/highlighting them. Some days are spent exclusively combing through my manuscript looking for typos (low word count, very time consuming). And some days are spent working on my query blurb/synopsis (also low word count).

What I'm doing right now is important. And I know that. But when I look at my spreadsheet, I feel like I've been doing nothing.

So I think this particular goal might need a little editing. 30,000 words/month is a goal I want to achieve, no doubt about it. But I need to allow myself to let go of the word count when I'm editing and querying. And who knows, I might still bump up the words and hit my goal this month (especially if I nail this synopsis sooner rather than later). Stranger things have happened. But for now I have to be okay with where I am.

So, new goals:

30,000 words/month when actively writing/plotting/revising

20,000 words/month when mostly editing and querying

20,000 means I still need to pump up my daily counts by a few hundred words. It means I have to push myself a little harder than I have been the last week or so. But it's also going to keep me from going crazy with writer-guilt or writing gibberish just to hit my count.

*I count all writing-related words, except blogging and word-count record-keeping.

I know. There are no new stories. Fine. Whatever. Moving on...

I still want something different. Something unexpected. I kind-of hate how much I know about story-lines and writing and all that because it means there are few books or TV shows or movies that truly surprise me anymore.

A book I read recently was really fun and well-crafted, but I walked away from it feeling like only a couple points truly surprised me enough to think "that was different."

Same with a movie I saw this past week. Even though I loved it, a part of me left the theater feeling a bit let down-- I sat there going "Okay, now X needs to happen... and that's it. Okay, time for Y... Yup, hit that nicely. And now for Z! There it is!" And I really did like the movie. I just... wanted more.

Of course, on the other hand... I don't want something too different. There are certain things expected of genres that I read/watch where I expect a specific kind of relationship or framework or ending. There are times when the usual is, IMO, perfectly fine.

But when everything is the usual...? It can be well-executed and nearly flawless, and I can really enjoy it to the point where I talk it up to my friends, but I can't fall in love with it. Parts of it, sure. The whole? Not so much.

And that's really what I want when I'm reading or watching a show/movie*-- I want to fall in love. I want the book to charm me with a twist I wasn't expecting. I want a movie to seduce me into thinking the plot is going one way, then turn it around on me (in a totally believable way, of course). I want a story I can love, not a story I can kinda-sorta-like.

A show I watched last week had a twist I was expecting. They went into it that part of the story and I was all right with it. And then it got turned on it's head, cause gotcha! it wasn't him! I think I laughed, because that's what I want-- even if, at the time, I was fine with the way it was heading, I loved that they changed things up on me. I want something to still be able to surprise me.

I know this is something I have to pay attention to in my own writing. I need to make sure that twists spiral and the turns are unexpected and the dips can make your stomach drop. We all hope our story will be someone's next *love*. And it's hard to do. But totally worth the effort.

*Unless it's Law & Order Original, then I'm only watching it for the plot, so please stop throwing character story-lines at me, kthnxbye.

I'm not a fan of New Year's (the holiday). The Christmas season is always really busy for me (used to be lots of church/school related stuff, now it's just life in general), and I tend to get sick mid-to-late December (this year was no exception *sigh*), so I'm always worn out by the time New Year's comes around, and the idea of partying because a clock turns & I have to remember to write a different number at the end of the date just doesn't appeal to me.

I've also never liked New Year's Resolutions. It made no sense to me when I was in school-- why make resolutions in the middle of the year? Instead I wrote a list of Dos and Don'ts at the beginning of every school year (8th-12th grade), and that was pretty much it.

This year, though, I started following Maggie Stiefvater (m_stiefvater) here on LJ and her fantastic post on resolutions really got me thinking. I need solid, quantifiable goals. I learned that back in the beginning of December, but I guess I never really thought of resolutions that way.

So this year, on New Year's Day, I sat down and thought about it. What did I do last year? What do I want to accomplish this year?

In 2009 I...

- Revised Two Novels: THE TIES OF BLOOD (formerly ARION) and WINGS & FANGS: BEWITCHED

- Started Querying Agents (Haven't found The One yet, but still looking!)

- Started Drafting Two Novels: WINGS & FANGS: TAKEN and QUENTS (super-new story I started last month!)

- Added to another WIP: WITH SOUL SO DEAD (formerly MORDAGRIN)

With all the above, I wrote approximately 418,000 words in 2009.

So in 2010 I want to...

- Begin querying WINGS & FANGS: BEWITCHED. This involves another round of revision, but that's got to be done anyway, so that part won't be a resolution.

- Finish at least one second-book-in-series, either WITH SOUL SO DEAD or WINGS & FANGS: TAKEN. This is because I hear a lot of talk about how writing the second book in a series is Really Hard, and I want to tackle and conquer that challenge.

- Finish a first draft of JORA, QUENTS or BROKEN PROMISE and begin revisions as necessary. I didn't finish a first draft of a novel this year, and I want to get faster on first drafts in general, so this one is pretty important to me.

- Write at least 30,000 words per month. According to my Daily Word Count Spreadsheet, I almost always hit this anyway. But there are some months I don't, and I really want to try and do it. I'm no longer attempting to write Every Single Day (meaning if I miss a day, I won't beat myself up about it), but this goal will keep me moving each month.

I'm really excited to get into these goals. I think they're varied enough to keep me interested in what I'm doing, but still hanging out just outside my comfort zone, so I'm definitely going to have to work to reach them.

Anyone else want to share their goals/resolutions?

Usually that title would mean I'm talking about my goals for revision. This time, however, I'm revising my December goals.

Right after NaNo ended I stated my goal for December was to write 40,000 words. So far this month I've written about... 5800. So I'm revising my goal for the month. This is due to a couple things.

For one, I've been working on the second book in the Arion trilogy, WITH SOUL SO DEAD, and that world just takes longer to write than the Wings & Fangs world. Plus, it's a first draft of a second book, not a second draft of a first book. I've got things like world-rules I have to pay attention to, as well as carrying things over from the first book and either resolving them or getting closer to resolving them. Which is, to put it mildly, hard.

The other issue is that I don't want to have to do draft upon draft of W&F: BEWITCHED, so I'm taking a lot more time to read through my second draft manuscript, make notes, decide how I want to run my next revision, things like that. I'd love to have this query-able by March/April. I realize that might be pushing it, but then again, it might not be. I won't know until I try.

Also, I'm looking forward to diving into a bunch of manuscripts I have sitting on my hard drive waiting for critique, as well as reading through old novel beginnings of my own to decide what I want to work on next (all you people saying "the ring story!" can shut up now-- I hear you!!! It's high on the list, I promise). I'm going to continue to work on second-books for both the Arion trilogy and W&F series, but since I know it's smartest to also be working on something totally different, I'm dusting off a few older ideas that got pushed aside by pushier characters (seriously, you try telling Celestia or D to hold on-- it's much easier to say "Jora, chill for a couple years" Er, yeah. I'm not crazy, I swear.).

So, my new goal is... Just keep swimming. Pre-Draft-Three prep will take however long it takes, and doesn't really have a great word count, and WSSD will unravel as it comes. Plus I hear there's this thing called "Christmas" at the end of this month, and I really should, um, shop & bake & practice my song for Christmas Eve service (haven't sung in small group since '07). I hate to give up my 40,000 word goal, but I think I'll save that one for another month, one when I'm doing a first draft instead of revision prep!